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This is my love story of how I fell in love with a bipolar man!

Perhaps not surprisingly, the first day of high school may be scary and full of nerves, but, personally speaking, it was the most memorable day of my life.

If out of time, I could pick one moment and keep it shining, always new, of all the days that I have lived, I would pick the moment I saw you.

Before coming to school, I was wondering if I will have new friends. Later, I met Adnane and Lina and became my best friends. Actually, Adnane was not only my best friend but also my soulmate.

His honesty and originality set him apart from the others.

Was It True Love or Mania?

As time went by, I got closer to him and I realized then I felt love for him. I was consumed by the desire to be with him, to talk to him, and to feel him near me.

We got along with each other and joyfully realized that we were of like minds. So, he loved me, as I did.

Actually, he didn’t.
Sometimes, he seemed to be weird and bad-tempered for no reason. He went through severe mood swings including episodes of emotional highs and lows. Indeed, he had periods in which he feels euphoric, full of energy, and extremely happy, and periods of feeling exceedingly sad, depressed, and hopeless. In between two poles of mood, he usually looked like a normal person.

In reality, he was suffering from bipolar disorder that causes episodes of excitation and happiness called mania, and others of depression. I still remember his words that took my breath away and cheered me up; roughly speaking, he was my source of exhilaration and happiness.

At the end of the school year, he decided to go abroad in order to pursue his university studies. And for no reason, he decided to break up with me and never keep in touch !!!

What he told me changed the whole love story!

Two years later, he came back to school to call on his teachers. By accident, we met again and I realized – belatedly and sadly – that what I called “love story” was actually a symptom of mania.

Confused and dazed, he explained:

Going through a manic or hypomanic period let you be more likely to feel you are in love. In fact, there is a very strong similarity between the beginnings of love and the signs of an impending mania.

Every time we were together, I felt like I was in a state of limerence, a state of intense and overwhelming romantic desire. There was a kind of romantic attraction. I was emotionally attached to you even obsessed with you.

I was thinking about you as a means to my happiness and my well-being. You still remember how, suddenly, I changed from being in love and joyful to being angry, irritable, hopeless, and worthless. Wantonly, I decided to break up with you. And that smacks more mania than love. So, once I realized I was bipolar, I visited a psychiatrist to make a diagnosis and start treatments. So far, the ongoing treatment program is providing symptom relief and my mood is getting stabilized.

And last but not least, forgive me, forgive my disorder, please.

Written by Maryam El Mokhtari

A very motivated, determined, and ambitious young girl, who has recently started medical studies at Mohemed 5 University. With a consuming passion for writing and philosophy, I’m looking for developing my skills as thoroughly as possible so as to become one of the best writers of our times!

Photos by Nathan Dumlao and freestocks  on Unsplash

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